Real Stories
Jessica | Jill and Brad | Emily | J
Jessica
When I was 19, I met this guy who was a friend of a friend. I thought he was pretty nice at first, and we went out a few times, but then just kind of drifted apart. No biggie, until I discovered that I was pregnant. I called him and told him about it and he said he would come right over and talk to me. He never showed up, and he disconnected his cell phone, and then he moved out of town. And I was alone, with a baby on the way.
I had only recently moved to a new city myself, out on my own for the first time, with a good job, and didn’t want to move back home. But I knew that I really wasn’t ready to be a mom. I was still growing up myself. I had plans to go to college after saving up some money. I didn’t think it would be fair to my baby if I kept him and then was gone all the time, at work and at school, and too tired to really enjoy him.
I called My Choice pretty early in my pregnancy, and so I had a lot of time to work with my Birthmother Counselor. Soon all my questions were answered and I knew what I was going to do with my life, and the life of my unborn child. I got a lot of help because I made that call so early. My Choice helped me with finances, with legal paperwork, and my Birthparent Counselor even came to the hospital as my labor coach.
I have a semi-open adoption. I chose the family and met them several times before the birth. Then I had another visit with them after I finalized my decision in court. They send me pictures and letters regularly. I also wrote a letter to my son that helped me to come to terms with my decision, and the adoptive parents will give it to him when the time is right.
I’m glad I made that phone call when I did because now I know my son will have the life I’ve always wanted for him.
Jill and Brad
Both write
We are a young couple, in our early 20’s, and we’ve been together about two years. We love each other, and live together, and even think that we might get married and have a family someday. But when Jill got pregnant, we decided we didn’t want to start our family quite yet.
Jill writes
I have a lot of goals for my life. I’m an artist, and I’m really interested in business stuff, too. Someday I want to open my own art supply store and have studio space for other artists upstairs, to start a real artist’s community. But these are kind of wild dreams at this point, because I don’t even have a high school diploma. I kind of had a bad family life, and ran away a lot, and just couldn’t deal with the head games in high school. So now I’m working on my GED, and working a full-time job to pay bills. When I found out I was pregnant, I was excited at first. I mean, I love Brad, and I also thought we’d make a pretty baby together. I really wanted to keep her, and kind of set up house. But I knew that Brad didn’t feel ready, and I didn’t want to start our baby’s life with fighting. So I tried to listen to his perspective.
Brad writes
It’s true that I hope to start a family with Jill someday. She’s a great person and she’ll be a great mom. But I have big dreams for my life, too. My brother and I just opened a skateboard shop and it’s a big success, but it takes almost all our time. I always thought I’d be a dad like my own dad – spending lots of time with my kids, with enough money and time to enjoy them. Right now, we don’t have much money, and Jill and I barely have time for each other, let alone a baby. This is not how I wanted to start off as a dad. I already knew about adoption, because I’m adopted myself, and my family has an open adoption with my birth mom (I don’t know much about my birth dad). So it wasn’t a weird idea for me. It seemed natural to think about adoption for our baby.
Both write
When our Birthparent Counselor showed us some family profiles, we both automatically fell in love with Tim and Sue. They had the same interests as we did, and even looked kind of like us. They’d been trying so long to get pregnant, and it just wasn’t happening. They knew a lot of other adoptive parents, and asked them questions, and found out that it was a great way to have a family. When we met them, we loved them even more! After a few visits, we were very comfortable together, and even met a few more times in both our homes. They were at the hospital for the birth, and we all cried. Little Sarah is the light in all of our eyes. We don’t live too far away, so we visit a few times a year, and get pictures and letters, too.
Jill writes
Meeting Tim and Sue made the adoption idea work for me. Once I knew such a great couple would love my baby girl, I was able to realize that my own heart was telling me I wasn’t at all ready to be a mom. I love baby Sarah, and miss her, and sometimes I cry because my heart still hurts. But I know she is safe and well, and that she will always know the mommy that gave her life.
Brad writes
I miss my baby girl, too. And I’ve cried with Jill. But today Sarah is a growing toddler, and happy and healthy. She knows me, and smiles when she sees me, and Tim and Sue are great parents to her. This was a good decision for us.
Emily
I am only 16 years old, and still in high school.When I thought I was pregnant, I was so scared, and tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. I hid it as well as I could, wearing baggy clothes and acting as if everything was just fine.My mom knew something was different, but didn’t know how to talk to me about it. She took me to the doctor for a physical, and asked the doctor to speak to me. I cried and told the doctor that I was worried and they gave me a pregnancy test. Yep, it was positive. Then I cried some more and wanted my mom, and she came in and cried with me, and together with my dad, we tried to figure out what to do.
My parents said they would support me no matter what I decided to do. By that time, I was already seven months along, and so I thought I had to make up my mind in a hurry. The doctor gave us the name of My Choice, along with some other adoption agencies, and it was My Choice that made me feel the best. The Director of the whole agency talked to me first, and she was very friendly and made me feel comfortable, not stupid or bad. Then she had me talk to the Birthparent Counselor, who helped me take time and look at all my options, and not rush a decision. She helped me see that I knew deep inside what would be best for me and my baby.
After hearing about open adoption, I decided that was what I wanted. I knew my parents would help me if I brought the baby home, but I wanted to still be my parent’s kid, you know? I didn’t want my baby to become their baby, and kind of grow up with my baby almost like my sister. That didn’t seem right. I knew with open adoption I could choose the family and have some contact after the birth, and that made me feel good.
I had to look at a lot of profiles before I found one that really seemed good to me. My Birthparent Counselor said this was OK. She had some birthparents who picked families right away, and others who were more particular. I guess the second kind of birthparent is me! She laughed with me about my pickiness, but in the end, I’m glad I held out, because I found the most wonderful family, Bob and Sally, who had already adopted a baby girl. I was carrying a baby boy, and that was exciting for them.
They lived far away from me, so we only visited once before the birth, but we wrote emails every few days, and they really became like part of my family. We still write emails, and they post new pictures of my baby, Sam, all the time. It’s so cool to see him growing.
After I gave birth, I spent two whole days in the hospital with just my baby and my family. I held him and fed him and changed him and sang him the lullabies my mom had sung me. Bob and Sally came and got him when I was leaving. We all held hands in a circle and kind of all said prayers together, kind of a thankful blessing for the baby and for all of us being so close.
Adoption isn’t for everyone, and you have to be sure in your heart about it, because it’s very hard and hurts a lot. But it also makes you happy to see another family happy, and it’s good to know that I helped do that. I know that Sam is always going to have parents who love him and protect him and give him what he needs. And I have a chance to grow up and still be a kid to my parents. I guess when you look at it like that, it turned out pretty good for all of us.
J
I am a very private person and I am only writing this because maybe someone reading this is like me and wonders how an agency like MY CHOICE can work with someone who really doesn’t want to have people all up in their business when it comes to making an adoption plan.
I knew adoption was right for me, period. I had a brief, bad relationship with a jerk of a guy, who later disappeared and never knew I was pregnant. I was already in another relationship, and didn’t want to bring a baby into that. I don’t want to say that I didn’t care about the baby, but I didn’t really want to bond with her too much. What I needed was help to get through the situation.
The Birthparent Counselor from My Choice came to my house and explained all the different choices to me. I knew I wanted a closed adoption from the beginning, and even let the agency choose the family for me. This was just how I had to do it. I did see the baby in the hospital, and held her briefly, but that was all I wanted.
The Birthparent Counselor really respected my need for privacy. She didn’t ask me too many questions, just the stuff she needed to get the paperwork done. She explained everything, but didn’t press me to share my soul with her. She gave me the space I needed to get through the pregnancy in my own way.
I understand this is not how most people handle the situation, but it worked for me. My Choice took care of the details, and respected my choices without any pressure. I am grateful that they really did mean everything was MY choice.
For more information about your options, or to talk to a Birthparent Counselor about an adoption plan, click on Contact Us or call us at the toll-free number listed above. We can help you find peace of mind.